


Misdirection

by KS_Claw



Category: Brave (2012), How to Train Your Dragon (2010), Rise of the Guardians (2012), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Gen, Parody, Pitch just wants a goddamn break, Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons, if you take this too seriously then you don't have a sense of humor, is that too much to ask for?, poking fun at a few things, slight mention of Frozen too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KS_Claw/pseuds/KS_Claw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It would seem Pitch Black is at it again. Rapunzel has been kidnapped, and the other Big Four set out to rescue her. And then Jack finds out a surprising secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misdirection

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty much poking fun at RoBTD with this one. I can't help but notice that most of those fics, or gifsets or fanart often has Pitch as the villain.
> 
> If you really love RoBTD, please don't take this too seriously. Every fandom has a parody fic of some sort, and this is my attempt at it

The plan was simple, but flawless. Jack would fly on his own, while Merida would fly with Hiccup and Toothless. Once they were inside of Pitch's lair, Jack would use his knowledge of the place to find Rapunzel and get her out of there. Merida, Hiccup and Toothless were going to fight against any Nightmares that Pitch might send against them.  
  
Simple enough, right?  
  
There was only one thing they didn't count on when they came down into the lair. For one thing, the place was... very empty. There were no Nightmares or malevolent shadows. Not even the hiss of a Fearling or their eerie glowing eyes. What they did find, was Rapunzel sitting by Pitch's globe.  
  
“Careful guys, it might be a trap!” Hiccup warned. Jack rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to mention how yes, it might just be. Because that was always very typical of Pitch to do.  
  
And indeed, when they landed by Rapunzel, she got up at once. “I'm okay!” She said, “he didn't hurt me or anything.”  
  
“Yer sure?” Merida asked, looking her over. “He didn't try t' use yer fears against ye or anything?”  
  
Rapunzel shook her head. “Not at all!”  
  
“He didn't try to corrupt you?” Jack asked. “That's one of his favorite tricks, next to the whole _'let's make everyone forget that Jack ever existed_ ' trick.”  
  
“ _None!_ ” The lost princess replied. “He just put me here and told me to wait. And... well...” She shrugged with a grimace. “Even though he didn't leave any Nightmares or Fearlings, I figured I might as well. I mean, I knew you guys would show up.”  
  
“Aye...” Merida agreed with a confident nod, “now where's tha' ol' spook? I go' an arrow with 'is name on it!”  
  
There was a heavy, exasperated sigh behind them. They all spun around, ready with their weapons, and Toothless growling, ready to fight for their lives.  
  
And just as they expected, there stood the Nightmare King, watching them all with a rather bored looking expression.  
  
“Amazing, the big four are gathered once again.” He said in a rather dull voice. “Suits me just fine, because that means we can get this over with.”  
  
Before any of the four teenagers had a chance to react, the Boogeyman tossed something right at them. Toothless jumped up to catch it, and was ready to tear right into it... at least until he gave a gagging sound and spat it right out.  
  
“ _Toothless!_ What did he throw at you?” Hiccup exclaimed, before he checked his dragon friend with a worried look. Jack frowned, as he poked the object with the end of the staff.  
  
“It's... a black, wet towel?” He said confused, before he looked up at Pitch with a narrow-eyed look. “Why would you throw something like that?”  
  
“It's called a metaphor, Frost. Look it up.” Pitch replied with a roll of his eyes. “ _'Throwing in the towel'_ , you know? Or rather the wet towel, because that makes it easier. Pathetic, I know, but it was all I had the energy to come up with. Congratulations, you won, yadda yadda yadda.” With that, he turned around and began to walk away, leaving behind four very confused teenagers and one rather disgruntled dragon.  
  
“Where do you think _you're_ goin'!?” Merida demanded.  
  
“Isn't it obvious?” Pitch called back. “I lost, and you were triumphant once again. Until next time or whatever.” And then he disappeared into the shadows.  
  
Rapunzel frowned confused at that. “But... We were supposed to _fight,_ weren't we? We always do.”  
  
Merida scoffed, raising her bow to fire an arrow, but was stopped by Jack.  
  
“Hang on, let me go talk to him.” He said. Before the others could stop him, he set off and flew off into the darkness after the Nightmare King.  
  
For being a lair that supposedly changed itself, Pitch's hideout was incredibly easy to figure out once you got the hang of it. It didn't take long for Jack to track down Pitch either, as the Boogeyman had, of all things, settled in one of his cages.  
  
It actually looked rather comfortable, to be honest. It had been filled with a bunch of pillows and blankets, and the cage was large enough for Pitch to stretch out if he wanted to. For the moment, he was curled up, with his back up against one of the larger pillows, with what looked like a couple of books lying next to him. He looked like he was dozing at first, but he opened his eyes when Jack landed on a neighboring cage, making it swing slightly as he hung onto the chain to keep his balance. When he saw who the disturber was, Pitch gave a deep, bone-weary sigh.  
  
“What do you want, Frost?” He asked.  
  
“I'm _not_ here to pick a fight.” Jack said at once, holding up his free hand in a passive way.  
  
“That would be a first,” Pitch grumbled, “but it doesn't answer my question.”  
  
“Well... What happened back there?” Jack asked, nodding in the direction he had come from. “I mean, I get the whole _'giving up'_ thing, with us being the good guys and whatnot. But why did you give up so soon?”  
  
“Because I didn't feel like getting my ass kicked, what else?” The other retorted. He sighed and stretched out, before he rolled over so he turned his back on the winter spirit. “And if that is all, _please_ go away.”  
  
“It's not.” Jack replied. “I got more questions.”  
  
“Of course you do...” Pitch grumbled, but sat up so that he could give Jack an annoyed glare. “What do you want to know?”  
  
“What changed? I mean, the others haven't really noticed, but you have kind of been... slacking?” Jack said carefully. “I haven't said anything because of different reasons, but I just noticed it. So what gives?”  
  
Pitch snorted in disdain at that. “I know your _'different'_ reasons perfectly well. If it's not the so called _'romances'_ that are being troublesome, it's the different tempers you all have. Tell me, how is the whole _Jelsa_ thing going?”  
  
Jack flinched at that. “Oh give me a break, that's just something ridiculous people came up with. Let's be honest, I'm a spirit as well as a Guardian with my own duties, and Elsa is a frikkin' _queen!_ And she's not the most social person even if she warmed up recently an- _Hey!_ ” He scowled, glaring at the Boogeyman, who was now snickering. “Don't change the subject on me, Pitch, you still haven't answered my question!”  
  
The Nightmare King snorted a laugh, before he shook his head. “Simply put, Frost, I'm just not interested in fighting anymore.”  
  
“What's _that_ supposed to mean?”  
  
“It _means_ what I said it means,“ Pitch retorted, looking annoyed now. “I'm _always_ the one to blame, _always_ the _'go to bad guy'_. I'm _always_ the one you look to whenever trouble arises, because _oh no!_ ” He threw up his hands in a dramatic gesture, “something terrible has happened, it's obviously _Pitch Black_ who is behind it!” He scoffed, turning his back on Jack again and cuddled firmly into his pillow. “I'm _not_ though, but who would believe me?" He mumbled grumpily. "'Specially this time”  
  
Jack was about to say something, but the others last remark gave him pause. “... Wait, what do you mean by that?”  
  
\-------  
  
When Jack returned to the others, the other three teenagers were in a deep conversation, obviously discussing tactics on what to do next. Toothless perked up when he saw Jack, and let out a rolling growl, which alerted the others.  
  
“Jack!” Rapunzel exclaimed, before she ran over and hugged the winter spirit. “We were so worried, and we were about to come after you!”  
  
“What happened?” Hiccup asked.  
  
“Did ya fight 'im?” Merida asked, grinning cockily. “Hope ye left somethin' fer th' rest of us!”  
  
“Actually, I found out something rather... _interesting._ ” Jack said slowly. “Do you guys remember how we found out that Rapunzel had been kidnapped?”  
  
The Scot and the Viking looked at one another, before they shrugged. “Pascal found us.” Hiccup said, and Jack nodded in agreement.  
  
“Yes, Pascal did, after an apparent daring escape. But Pitch said something interesting that got me thinking. I mean, it's pretty far from here and to where we were, right? Quite a distance for such a tiny chameleon.”  
  
“Aye...?” Merida said slowly, lifting a brow. “Yer point?”  
  
“We're in _January_ , and it's covered in snow outside.” Jack said drily. “We were in Punzie's kingdom, where it was _summer_. Chameleons _don't do winter._ ” He then turned his head to look at the lost princess with a raised brow. “So tell me Punzie, why did you kidnap yourself?”  
  
There was a very awkward pause, with the other two staring at Rapunzel, who was giving her best 'I have no idea what you are talking about' face.  
  
“Come on Rapunzel, you're not _that_ good a liar” Jack pressed on. Rapunzel then grimaced and deflated slightly.  
  
“Okay, you got me.” She sighed.  
  
Hiccup gawked slightly, then shook his head in disbelief. “ _What!?_ Why would you do something like that?”  
  
“I was _bored!_ ” The blonde princess exclaimed, “I mean, we hadn't fought Pitch in a long time!”  
  
“We fought him last week-” Jack tried to cut in, but Rapunzel kept going.  
  
“So I thought _'why not make it look like he kidnapped me?'_ And then all I had to do was get Astrid to fly me here, because I told her Hiccup was busy and I had a play date with Sophie, and then I just found my way here and waited for you guys!”  
  
“I can't believe this...” Jack groaned, rubbing at his forehead as if to ward off a headache.  
  
“T' think ye woul' do something like that.” Merida said with a slight scoff, at least until Rapunzel turned and glowered at her.  
  
“Oh yeah! Well~! Remember when Angus went missing? ** _MERIDA DID THAT HERSELF!!!!_** "” She exclaimed, shouting the last so loudly that it echoed in the lair. A faint _'shut up! Some of us are trying to sleep!'_ could be heard from somewhere in the other end. Jack ignored it in favor of glaring at Merida, who gave a flustered, frustrated look, while Rapunzel fumed.  
  
“It's true! She said she did it, because she wanted something to practice her new crossbow on! So don't you go pointing fingers at me, little miss Scottie!”  
  
“Come on ladies, behave yourselves.” Hiccup cut in, in an attempt to calm things down, only for the redhead to spin around and poke him in the chest.  
  
“Yer one to talk!! Ya gave yourself a black eye just to start a fight!"  
  
“Hiccup, _you too!?_ ” Jack said, gawking at the other in disbelief. The younger male shrugged helplessly.  
  
The Guardian of Fun groaned loudly, running a hand down over his face. “Look I can't say I'm surprised about you Little Miss Trigger Happy,” he said, as he glowered at Merida, “but you Hic, I'm disappointed. I thought you were a pacifist!”  
  
“Well, I'm also a Viking...”  
  
“That's no excuse!” The winter spirit retorted. Hiccup cringed, ducking his head a bit.  
  
“... And Pitch is really good to practice new weapons on.”  
  
“Come on, Jack, it was just a bit of fun!” Rapunzel cut in, before the other could retort.  
  
“ _A bit of fun!?_ Last time Hiccup tested his weapons on Pitch, I'm pretty sure he almost took an arm off!”  
  
“Well it's not like it won't grow back, right?” Hiccup said in a weak attempt to sound cheerful.  
  
“You kids do know I can hear you right?” Pitch's voice said, sounding close even though the Boogeyman probably wasn't. Not that Jack could blame him at this point. “Also, no. If it had been my shadows, there wouldn't have been a damage, but since it was _me_ , I would very much have lost an arm.”  
  
“No' that it would've been tha' great a loss.” Merida muttered under her breath, though she flinched when Jack glared at her.  
  
"If there is a purpose to it! This is just... just... I don't even **_KNOW_ ** what it is!" The winter spirit hissed in frustration.  
  
"But he's the _Boogeyman!_ ” Hiccup interjected. “He's literally made out of evil. He's bound to start something eventually. Consider it a pre-emptive strike."  
  
"Wow. Just... just _wow._ I can't believe you guys." Jack said drily. Hiccup wilted slightly at that, grimacing at the others clear disappointment.  
  
“To be fair...” He said slowly, “it really started out as Merida's idea. And Punzie and I just kind of followed suit.”  
  
Jack glowered at him. “You followed because she twisted your arm in some way, right?” When Hiccup just nodded, he rolled his eyes upwards, quietly praying for the Man in the Moon to give him strength. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third...you got the spine of _a wet noodle_ when it comes to stronger women."  
  
"It's not my fault!!” The other objected. “I'm a victim of my upbringing! Strong women are the only thing I know!"  
  
The Guardian shook his head in clear disgust. " _What the hell were you guys even thinking!?_ "  
  
There was a very awkward silence after that. Hiccup was awkwardly rubbing his arm, while Merida stood scowling with her arms crossed. Rapunzel was fiddling with a bit of her hair, before she looked up carefully at Jack.  
  
“...We just wanted to see if we could become Guardians like you.” She said quietly. Jack gave her a look.  
  
“...Guardians like me? By beating up Pitch constantly?” He demanded. All three flinched at this, though Merida tried to keep up her bravado by making hers come off as a shrug.  
  
“Tha's how it works, don't it? Ye beat Pitch, and ye became a Guardian.” Jack groaned loudly and hid his face with both his hands at that.  
  
“ _Man in the Moon help me..._ ” He groaned. “That is _not_ how this works! Beating up the Boogeyman is not some... some kind of initiation ritual! What, did you somehow think that if we beat him up enough, you would become Guardians yourselves? Wait, don't answer that, you probably did.”  
  
Despite this, the other three and the dragon gave careful nods.  
  
“ _You should all be ashamed of yourselves!_ ” Jack scowled. “You guys need to _go home_ and think about what you did!” Merida gave an offended look and looked ready to object, but froze when Jack _glared_ at her.  
  
“ _ **BACK OFF**_ , Scottie!” He snarled. “I can't even hear you over the sound of how mad I am right now!”  
  
Hiccup gave a slight gulp at that, and began to back away slowly. “Uhm, guys... I think we should just... do as he says? Toothless and I can give you girls a ride and... we'll... we'll just talk to you later, okay Jack?” When Jack gave a hard fume and a glare, the young Viking just nodded and muttered a 'right', before he grabbed both Merida and Rapunzel by the arm and pulled them over to Toothless. For once, the Scottish princess didn't object, though she did glower in Jack's direction.  
  
Toothless rumbled as the three teenagers climbed up on him, and gave Jack a worried look, before he with a command from Hiccup set off, and headed upwards. Soon, all four of them were gone.  
  
Jack grimaced. He felt a really bad headache coming on, but he ignored it. Instead, he took off and flew back to the area where he had last seen Pitch, and found the Boogeyman where he had left him.  
  
“I am _so_ sorry about all this.” He said slowly. “They probably meant well in some.... some kind of weird, twisted way? But they missed the point like _whoah!_ ”  
  
Pitch lifted himself up again, so he could face the winter spirit, and gave him a tired look. “Now you know what I have to deal with.” He said. “I swear, this is 1566 all over again.”  
  
“Bad year?” Jack asked.  
  
“You have _no_ idea.”  
  
“Want to go find a drink and talk about it?”  
  
The Boogeyman lifted a hairless brow at that. “Aren't you a little young for that?”  
  
“One, three hundred and eighteen thank you.” The other retorted. “Two, didn't necessarily mean alcohol, and three, fuck you. I just **_REALLY_** need something else to think about.”  
  
Pitch looked at him, and then shrugged before he sat up fully. “Alright. Where did you have in mind?”  
  
“How about we just go raid a liquor store or something?” Jack suggested. “It's easier than deciding on a tavern, because Man in the Moon knows I am **_NOT_** up for any of the other hangouts.”  
  
“Ever been to _The Poisoned Apple?_ ” Pitch suggested. “They got some good drinks, and a pretty good pianist.”  
  
“Is it my kind of crowd?” Jack asked with a raised brow.  
  
“Not really, more along mine.”  
  
“ _I'm in_.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you can spot two of the other references I made, you get a cookie. Hint: One is Disney, the other is another Dreamworks movie. Granted, the Disney one is pretty easy to spot, but I digress.


End file.
